The Day My Faith Wavered

My faith in God and higher power was firm. We prayed together as a family. We were told that He took care of us, that He looked out for us. And so I believed.

But one day I was told..

her eyes were shut, never to be opened again
her hands were swollen due to the countless syringes that poked her skin, never to move again
her heart had stopped an hour ago, never to beat again
She lay there peacefully in her beautiful blue dress, delicate as a flower,
Too young to have departed our world, too young…

People told us she was an angel,
and that she was in a better place.
But who would take care of her now, I reasoned;
too young to comprehend the loss,
too young to stop my tears in public.

After all she was just two months old,
I hadn’t even played with her. I was yet to sing to her.
She hadn’t stayed long enough.
The cramps in our hearts weren’t relieved,
neither to my mother’s hands or sister’s

For they had pumped her heart night after night,
in a month of hope and despair.
Only to find out the angel had flown away,
from our laps into a place unknown.

I was told she looked peaceful,
I wasn’t allowed to see her.
For them I was too young to mourn,
We were both too young.

I, a teenager, batting with loss;
She, a baby, conquering pneumonia.

Disclaimer: This is not a poem. I just didn’t want to let it look like a story. It’s a sad song in my heart. My feelings put in words for the day my two-month old niece died. I was 14.

And yes that was the day I lost my faith, just a little. I kept the dress I last saw her in, before she was admitted to the hospital never to come back again, till 7 years later when my mother asked me to let go. I did let go of the dress but…I still remember the pattern on that dress, I still remember her pretty little face.

This post came after reading Daily Prompt: In Good Faith.


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