The Day My Faith Wavered

My faith in God and higher power was firm. We prayed together as a family. We were told that He took care of us, that He looked out for us. And so I believed.

But one day I was told..

her eyes were shut, never to be opened again
her hands were swollen due to the countless syringes that poked her skin, never to move again
her heart had stopped an hour ago, never to beat again
She lay there peacefully in her beautiful blue dress, delicate as a flower,
Too young to have departed our world, too young…

People told us she was an angel,
and that she was in a better place.
But who would take care of her now, I reasoned;
too young to comprehend the loss,
too young to stop my tears in public.

After all she was just two months old,
I hadn’t even played with her. I was yet to sing to her.
She hadn’t stayed long enough.
The cramps in our hearts weren’t relieved,
neither to my mother’s hands or sister’s

For they had pumped her heart night after night,
in a month of hope and despair.
Only to find out the angel had flown away,
from our laps into a place unknown.

I was told she looked peaceful,
I wasn’t allowed to see her.
For them I was too young to mourn,
We were both too young.

I, a teenager, batting with loss;
She, a baby, conquering pneumonia.

Disclaimer: This is not a poem. I just didn’t want to let it look like a story. It’s a sad song in my heart. My feelings put in words for the day my two-month old niece died. I was 14.

And yes that was the day I lost my faith, just a little. I kept the dress I last saw her in, before she was admitted to the hospital never to come back again, till 7 years later when my mother asked me to let go. I did let go of the dress but…I still remember the pattern on that dress, I still remember her pretty little face.

This post came after reading Daily Prompt: In Good Faith.

About Ritu

Owner - Things To Rave About (http://toraveabout.com) Blogger, eager-to-learn know-it-all, jack of all trades, new writer, shopaholic, makeup obsessed, voracious reader, qualified techie, leader material!
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10 Responses to The Day My Faith Wavered

  1. Pingback: Daily Prompt: A Test Of Faith | My Daily Prompt Blog

  2. Abhishek says:

    Very heartful and touching!

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  6. Crysta Icore says:

    Too many people like to make excuses for death. ” God needed another angel. ” or ” He’s in a better place.” Bull! That’s not a reason to take a baby, a brother, anyone. It’s an excuse, a reasoning for having to let go. The best advice I got when I lost my brother last year was from a friend who happens to be a Rabbi. ” This sucks, there is no FAIR, there is only pain. And how we choose to move forward from here on out, that’s not God, that is only us. We can let it drown us, or we can fight to make this moment what drives us to do something about it. “

    • Ritu says:

      That is really sane advice and it acknowledges the fact that it is unfair and painful.
      I’m so glad I received this comment. It came at the perfect time!

      • Crysta Icore says:

        I’m glad. See.. sometimes we have moments when we think that we are just putting words out there to the universe and it isn’t heard, but sometimes the universe answers back. Have a great week.

        • Ritu says:

          Yes and I believe that God talks to us through other people. When I wrote this post, I had tears in my eyes, I just wanted to write something i had hidden from myself for over 14 years.
          I felt relieved once it was all typed in, I didn’t do much editing and posted it never worrying if someone would read it, even though I do think about that for my other posts.
          Your comment meant a lot to me, it was as if I needed it, I need you to say it. Thanks for that.
          And you too have a great week!

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